"You know better" - The most Hated Phrase of a Level 1 Autistic

It’s essential to be mindful of the connections we form with others. Not everyone we meet will be on the same wavelength as us, and that’s perfectly okay. The world is full of diverse people, each with their own perspectives, experiences, and intentions. While it’s natural to want to connect deeply with everyone—something I often feel myself—it’s important to accept that we can’t make everyone our family.

A valuable lesson my speech-language pathologist once shared with me was about the different levels of connection: acquaintances, friends, and those closest to us—our family, whether by blood or chosen. Life has taught me, sometimes painfully, that not everyone who smiles at you is truly your friend.

For a long time, I believed that everyone who showed me kindness was automatically a friend. That’s just the trusting nature of my personality. Many people share this tendency, and as someone who is autistic, I feel it even more strongly.

Being autistic means I reflect deeply on my experiences. I analyze everything I do—every decision, every interaction. This reflection has become a tool for navigating a world where my differences aren’t always understood and where anxiety is often present. Despite my self-awareness, I still make mistakes.

I trust too easily. I sometimes cross boundaries without meaning to. I try my best, yet my autistic traits sometimes come through in ways I can’t control. People often assume I “should know better” because I’m articulate or seem capable on the surface, but this is the reality of autism.

Masking—appearing as though we’re coping just fine—doesn’t mean we aren’t struggling. Autism exists on a spectrum, and each of us experiences it differently. Some of us are excellent at hiding our challenges, but that doesn’t make those challenges any less real.

I hope we can all remember to approach others with grace. Be kind, patient, and compassionate. Everyone is fighting battles you may not see. Whether someone seems like they have it all together or they’re visibly struggling, we’re all navigating life in our own way.

If someone opens up to you, try to believe them. Even if it doesn’t make sense at first or feels difficult to comprehend, trust that there’s always a reasonable explanation. God didn’t create us to judge one another—He created us to remain spiritually close, to love one another unconditionally, just as He loves us.

Sometimes we let our emotions take over, especially anger. In those moments, we forget the grace we’ve been shown time and time again. It’s easy to focus on ourselves and our own frustrations, but that’s not what we’re meant to do.

For autistic individuals, this dynamic can feel amplified. Many of us approach the world with kindness and vulnerability, but when we’re betrayed, the pain feels overwhelming. Our perception of the world is different, and that shapes the way we experience emotions—both joy and hurt.

To those who are willing to be understanding, forgiving, and patient with us, thank you. Thank you for trying to understand, for giving us grace, and for seeing that we’re not awful or difficult—we’re just humans navigating challenges. Your support helps us grow, connect, and find our place in a world that often feels overwhelming.

When we don’t receive that understanding, we can become isolated. That’s why fostering connections is so important. At the same time, we must be cautious about who we let in. Forgiveness, grace, and understanding are vital, but so is being mindful of our own boundaries.

I’ve often been told that it’s strange to want to love and connect with everyone, but I believe God created me this way. For a long time, I tried to change it. I tried to distance myself because I thought I was “too much.” Many autistic individuals I know have felt similarly. They’ve secluded themselves, avoided communication, and withdrawn from the world after experiencing so much pain.

I struggled with selective mutism as a child, which stemmed from my own difficult experiences with communication. Those moments were painful and isolating. It’s heartbreaking when people question my autism because of how far I’ve come. They don’t see the struggles behind the scenes or the journey it’s taken to get here.

My hope is that we can all approach one another with greater compassion, curiosity, and grace. We all have the capacity to foster understanding and to build a kinder, more supportive world for everyone—especially for those of us who just need a little extra patience.